(This post was written a few weeks ago….)
Exactly one week ago I was somewhere over remote Northeast Canada on my way to Dallas.
I was so ready to be home… and so exhausted. A week later, and 100 years older, I realize that I had no idea what the word exhausted meant.
Seven days ago we were returning from the Congo: a trip we had been planning for almost four years. I’d heard so many times about how evident and obvious God’s presence becomes when you are in a third world country or a situation where you cannot look to or depend on anything else and I had been excited about experiencing that myself. I was not disappointed. Not only did we experience it ourselves, but we saw it incredibly clearly in the lives of almost everybody we met. But…even more than that, and bigger than that, was the way that God was directing things while we were there. Roads literally opened and traffic literally parted… like a Red Sea made up of dented yellow cabs and aggressive street vendors The cleared pathways ushered us in the ways we were supposed to go. Connections were made that we did not anticipate or try for, and opportunities opened that were not even a twinkle in our eye when we left the states. So yes, we experienced His presence over there, but mostly I was awestruck at how my purpose in that place and in those moments was confirmed. My husband and I both felt it and could do nothing but buckle up and go where we had to. Instead of just being “lead”, we were instead strapped on a crazy conveyor belt and taken where we needed to go. I can’t wait to share more of this trip in future posts.
When we arrived stateside we had a 6 hour drive to get back to Joplin. We had several conversations with people on the way back where they told us they would be praying for us over the next week because, “Coming back from a trip like that seems to put people in a place that the enemy does not like”. We also had multiple texts from people telling us they were praying for our protection and our families for our stateside return. Silly us…we felt that with our amazing support system and obvious awareness of what Satan might TRY to do we would be prepared and protected.
Taking our cue from friends much smarter than us, we prayed the same thing and thanked God that we were finally home with our kids. We got back to the house a little bit before 10 that night and passed out cold around midnight.
Monday morning I didn’t feel so well, so around noon I decided to lay down and take a nap. Before I had pulled the covers up, my husband burst into the bedroom and told me that our friend had stopped by my mother’s house and called because something was wrong. I jumped up and we flew over there. Her friend had found her laying on the couch and was unable to wake her up. When we got there, not quite two minutes after she called us, she was sitting up but it was obvious she had had a stroke. I told Barrett to get her to the car but when he realized she could not use her legs he told me we had to call 911. We did. The paramedics loaded her up and I ran home to get her paperwork and a sweatshirt, because I kept thinking about how cold hospitals always were.
The next few days were crazy blur. The stroke was confirmed only because one of our dear friends (a physician at that hospital) came down to the emergency room and “stroke alerted” her…or else they were not going to run the tests. She was moved to a room and at some point in the next few days my ridiculously amazing friends came and sat with her so I could go look at some nursing homes in town to figure out what the next move was going to be. My brother was on vacation in Idaho with his family but was able to get back here at almost midnight that Thursday night. Friday morning my two younger children had to both go under general anesthesia for some deep rooted wisdom teeth removal so my brother supervised my mothers move to a skilled nursing rehab unit. Right now she is there, being incredibly brave and working so hard to get strong.
She will be there for the next few daysor weeks until we can figure out the next move.
What if my mom had the stroke 24 hours earlier? But God’s timing is better and stronger than that.
What if nobody had gone over to her house until that evening? But last Monday was the first day we had her friend scheduled to come by, and her friend came despite my mothers lack of texting. God’s timing and plan is stronger and better.
What if she had been coming down the stairs or in the shower when it happened? But she had laid down on the couch because she didn’t feel well… and God’s timing is bigger.
What if we had taken her by car instead of ambulance to the hospital? When I got to the waiting room there were several people out there with stroke-like symptoms who still had not been able to go back and be seen. But God’s timing and plan is bigger and better.
What if our friend had not been working that day? But God’s purpose and pathway are stronger and better.
What if my brother’s plane got canceled or delayed for the third time (yes it happened twice) and he hadn’t made it to the hospital to be there for the move to the nursing home? (Did I mention he had to drive through the first torrential thunderstorms we’ve had in this area in a month?) But God knew he needed to be here just like He knew I needed to be with my two babies because His timing and purpose and mercy are bigger and better.
And way freaking stronger.
The evening after the kids’ surgery my brother stayed overnight at the nursing home with my mom. It was going to be the first night I could spend sleep more than five hours and boy…my jet-lagged body needed it. My sweet husband got up at 4am to give the kids their medicine, and I heard him and rolled over to ask if they were ok. As soon as I opened my mouth to check…a blasted crocodile with lockjaw clamped his mouth down onto my right calf. I SWEAR. I literally rolled (slightly violently) out of bed and landed on the ground in front of Barrett wrapped in a king-size comforter yelling and writhing on the floor. My sweet spouse said….
“Are you ok?”
I’d like to tell you that I answered nicely…..but I’m pretty sure the words that came out of my mouth were from the same place that freaking charlie-horse had come from. It took a good ten minutes before I could stand up, and I limped for two or three days. I have NEVER.
I mentioned the unfortunate incident to a friend of mine who countered with, “Sounds like the devil is trying to take you down. Good luck dude, her God is bigger than you!”
Yes. YES. Yup. He is. And nothing he can try to throw at me…by way of hitting me OR my family…is too big for my God to handle.
Listen. What happened to my mom is awful. It’s sad. It’s bad. But….we had been talking about having to make some choices about living situations before we left. I had been praying for discernment and that God would make things incredibly clear. Just like He opened up the highways in Africa, He made the road we needed to take with my mom incredibly obvious. Do I like how it happened? No. Not even a little. Am I sad and worried? I am. Do I know we are marching along the path we are supposed to be following? I do. God has been there every step of the way. His presence is evident.
The path may be steep and rocky and frankly….sucky. But….God uses it all. He has good things planned….for the people in Congo, for my mom, and even for me. Jeremiah 29:11 states that the Lord has “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The enemy does his work. He steals and destroys and hurts, and that’s just the way life goes here on planet Earth. BUT.
God works in it.
God works through it.
God works with it.
Satan knows how the story ends, and believe you me…he does everything he can to make us miserable along the way. He tries to steal our purpose and take the joy away from the good things God is doing. Note the word: “tries”. God…well, He swoops in and redeems every tear. Every hardship. Every awful thing. He uses those to pave a way toward the things He has purposed.
So, we fight. We keep going. We push through. We sleep when we can and we ask forgiveness for words yelled out as we fall out of bed. We trust Him. We have to…because He is the only one who knows the way to the ending we all want.
I wrote most of this a few weeks ago. I was barely keeping my head above water and relying on friends to intercede for my family and myself as we slogged through one of the more awful times we had faced. I’d like to continue to update the story with what He’s done and is doing as time allows. For now, please know that if you have been one of the beautiful people who dove into the deep-end alongside us and pulled me up for air…I am eternally thankful. My prayer mantra throughout the last few weeks has been…
This does not feel good, Lord. I don’t like it, God. But…I trust You and I know You are good, and I know You will make good things happen.
I’m excited to start seeing all of the good things.
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